Tag Archives: Geek Out

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New York state o’ mind

‘Tis time to visit the in-laws, and they live in upstate New York. My tree, my house, and my doggies will be left in capable hands while I schmooze lots of trees and much bigger doggies at someone else’s house. And I ain’t kiddin’ about the bigger doggies. They have a Newfoundland and he’s a slobberbucket.

While I’m in New York, I’ve arranged a couple of book-related appearances. The first one will be at Ole Sal’s Cafe and Creamery in Little Falls, NY, on Saturday, June 25, from 3-5 pm. There will be some books for sale there—Hounded and Hexed— but you’re welcome to bring your own too and hang out! The ice cream is nomnomnom and they make great coffee too. Old wood floor in the building, makes you feel important when you walk on it because it makes such great sound. If you’re from anywhere around there and you feel like a nice weekend drive, hope you’ll make the trip, maybe take a ride down the Erie Canal.

July 5!

The second appearance will be in New York, NY on July 5, the release day for HAMMERED! I’ll be at Posman Books in Grand Central Terminal at 6 pm. If you can’t make it there or send a minion at that time, then please contact Posman and special order ahead of time and I’ll sign your book for you to pick up later!

OK, can I just geek out for a second about HAMMERED?

It has a MAP in it and I MADE IT!! I still can’t believe they let me do it all by myself. And it’s a MAP OF ASGARD! They had to print it pretty darn tiny to make it fit on a paperback page so some of the architectural details of Valhalla, etc. are a bit indistinct, but it still looks turbo cool! I will post a larger version of the map here a few weeks after the release so you can make fun of it. :)

The other thing I’m geeking out about are the chapters narrated by other characters, who all share a decided dislike for Thor. They get told sorta like The Canterbury Tales, and there are FIVE of them. You’ll finally get to learn why Leif Helgarson holds such a grudge against Thor, and that, as you might expect, is called The Vampire’s Tale. After each tale there’s a cool little Celtic doggie thingie that’s called a “dingbat” in typography, which signals that we’re switching from the guest narrator back to Atticus. I love the doggies!

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! If you happen to buy the eBook version of HAMMERED—doesn’t matter which device you’re using—then you’ll get a bonus short story called “A Test of Mettle.” It’s told from Granuaile’s point of view, and it lets you know what she and Oberon are up to while Atticus is off doing his thing in Asgard. OK, geek out finished. :)

Comin’ up on the blog, a look at all the amazin’ stuff The League of Reluctant Adults is cookin’ up, instructions on how to make an Atticus omelet, and Documented Shenanigans with my editors in New York! Peace out!

Publishing Stuff, writing

To Thine Own Brand Be True

Dr. Nicole Peeler (also known as Nicole Peeler) asked me to whip up a blog post for her students about my experiences with author branding since I’m a newb to publishing, so OF COURSE I said yes. The fact that she threatened to shiv me in my sleep if I refused had no bearing on my decision to do it RIGHT AWAY; I want to make it clear that I’m doing this because I genuinely want to help aspiring authors. In fact, I have a wee series going called “Stuff They Never Told Me About Publishing,” and in the first post I talked a little bit about the author platform thing. Curiously, I now feel the need to expand upon that at length…

The truth is I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and I am deeply jealous that you get to take a class with Dr. Peeler. (She will give me chocolate for that later.) I’ve been told I need an author platform, and I’ve been reliably informed that I need an author brand, but neither of those terms has been defined for me and in my befuddled mind they’re sort of interchangeable. I seriously need to take Dr. Peeler’s class. So here’s what I was told to do by Del Rey: “Blog and tweet.” Okay, sure. What about? “Just be yourself. Look at what other authors do. Take advantage of social media.” And that was the sum of my instruction (or at least it’s all I can remember now—this conversation took place in October of ’09). I thought said instruction was a bit dangerous and bordering on irresponsible, because if I knew anything about how to be social I wouldn’t be a nerd. Still, I gave it my best shot, because if you get an opportunity to be published by the people in very tall New York buildings you don’t do things half-assed. So I started a blog, got myself a Twitter account, joined Goodreads, and created a Facebook author page. Then I sat down with a piece of paper and one of those really nice gel pens and tried to figure out what it meant to be myself. Those two minutes were the most introspective moments of my life. Here is what I discovered:
1. I like beer.
2. I am socially awkward.
3. If you don’t believe number 2, I’m 40 years old and I still collect comic books.
4. I like to make art and design jokes—usually absurd visual ones.
5. Once in a while I can’t stop myself from geeking out or being silly.

It’s not a very impressive list, is it? “Bugger me,” I thought, “if that’s all I’ve got, I’m bloody doomed.” But I didn’t have any choice. I had to go forward. So out of that list emerged some of my regular features. My “Still Life” series was inspired by all of those, and then I decided I’d kinda document what happened to me along the way and share my experiences with other aspiring writers (I won’t technically be published until April 19, so yeah, I still count myself as aspiring, and it’s taken me twenty years of trying to get on the shelves—I’m by no means an overnight success and I EMPATHIZE with the struggle to learn the craft).

I’ve been blogging and tweeting now for about a year and a half, not really sure if I’m doing it right, and then last month, BLAM, my editor surprised me by writing a really complimentary post about my social media efforts on Suvudu. I was flabbergasted. Like, WHOA. Did I go and build myself an author platform or brand or whatever? And did I do it using these things called channels? I guess I did. I don’t feel like I have a legion of followers or anything, but maybe they’ll start to show up and say howdy once the books come out. Here’s the funny thing: my most popular post by FAR is this one I did in the wee hours of the morning when I couldn’t sleep; I was only half-conscious and loopy as hell. I get hits on that post all the time, though, and it’s nothing but pure silliness.

I confess that I made another list back in October ’09 when I sat down with that paper and extremely nice gel pen, but I never wrote it down, because that list was about things I would never write down. What you won’t see on my blog or my other channels (Look! I’m using the correct terminology now!) are comments about political or religious issues. You will have to decide for yourself what’s right for you and your brand—I’m certainly not an authority on what you should or shouldn’t do—but I will share my reasoning behind that decision.
1. I’m a public school teacher, so in many ways the decision makes itself. As an employee of the state, I’m not supposed to talk about such things. Make a First Amendment argument if you wish, but in practice, public school teachers don’t get to say what they want.
2. Apart from number 1, as writer of fiction—specifically urban fantasy—I’m supposed to be providing people with an escape from whatever’s stressing them out. My observations of human behavior indicate that many people get stressed out when confronted with ideas that don’t match their own. So why would I risk stressing them out (or pissing them off) when I’m supposed to be entertaining them?
3. These days, it seems like you’ll offend half the country no matter what you say. I’m sure some readers will like you MORE if they know your views agree with theirs, but some readers WON’T BUY YOUR BOOK if they know your views contradict theirs. In terms of raw practicality, the readers who like you more are not going to shower you with the remainder of their disposable income, but the readers who actively decide not to buy your book based on a comment you made are depressing your bank account. If I am ever going to earn the money I need to pay tuition for Dr. Peeler’s class, I can’t afford to offend people by spouting off on this issue or that.

So what can you take away from this? Well, um, you’re kinda on your own in terms of marketing yourself. Did you SEE all that stuff my publicist is doing to create my author platform/brand thingie on multiple channel doodads? Nope, you didn’t, because it ISN’T THERE. My publicist sends out review copies to people who request them and he was nice enough to arrange my launch party for me. He might be doing other things on my behalf—I’m still over a month away from publication, so maybe he’s planning a party around the base of a volcano that erupts champagne—but if so he hasn’t told me yet. I’m extremely grateful for everything the publisher does for me—good reviews are invaluable, and the fact that they let me post on Suvudu is HUGE!—but the simple truth you need to know right now is that no one will ever build your platform or your brand except you.

If you need to know other simple truths later, feel free to contact me. No, wait, that’s not worded strongly enough. The fact is, friends, I desperately want you to ask me questions, because if you don’t then Dr. Peeler will confiscate my spleen. Email me at kevin@kevinhearne.com or simply comment below. I hope (for my sake as well as yours) that this was somewhat helpful; I wish you all the best and look forward to picking up your book in the store someday.

Nerd Cred

Nerd/Geek/Dork Cred

I’m still not sure where I fit on the nerd/geek/dork continuum. I took this test and discovered that I’m 61% Nerd, 48% Geek, and 57% Dork. That adds up to more than 100% so that’s probably pretty nerdy of me to point out. Or maybe it’s geeky?

In terms of geekiness, there’s this flow chart of the Geek Hierarchy, and if we were to stipulate this as being true then I’d be at the very top…or at least I will be next April. However, methinks there is much more to being a geek than simple fiction/entertainment preferences.

There are role-playing games, for example, like the classic Dungeons and Dragons, or Warhammer. There’s some argument out there that D & D is like a “gateway drug” that leads to all sorts of nerdy-geeky-dorkdom, but bah, there can’t be anything to that, can there?

Well, if it’s true, I’m doomed. Or blessed, depending on your point of view. At least partially. I never played D & D, but I got into Warhammer last year with a friend of mine. The rules are slightly different, but yeah, it’s a bunch of nerdy dudes with pizza and beer and many-sided dice talking about what their fantasy characters are going to do. Here’s a sample of what our game play sounded like:

“I’m gonna slide up behind that demon minotaur and take a whack at his low-hanging balls with my axe, bitches.” Except you have to salt that with about four F-bombs and punctuate it with a belch or a fart, then roll the dice and figure out whether the minotaur got to keep his nuts or not. Good times, good times.

 We had a paladin/priest dude, a ranger/scout dude, a messenger sort of gal who had a crossbow, and then there was my character: Oläf Umlaut, Dwarf Runesmith! Oläf was the best dude of the bunch, no doubt about it. He brained an undead five-year-old girl once with his hammer and saved the group from becoming zombie snackage, though the group didn’t realize when he did it that she was freakin’ colder than Hecate’s frosty gazongas. As a result, they all thought he’d killed an innocent little girl and got insanity points. I thought Oläf was so awesome that night; when you can simultaneously save the group and turn them insane, you are a bona fide badass.

Oh, and we didn’t play with little Lord of the Rings action figures, either. We had custom figures made from cannibalized Warhammer figures and painted up all nice n’ special by my very talented friend (and game master) Alan! You want to meet Oläf? I know you do. Here he is, in all his miniature glory:

Check out that braided beard! And the war hammer slung on his left side! In his right hand he’s carrying some blacksmith tongs, because that’s his skill, and in his left hand he’s got a freakin’ stein of ale, because drinking is his other skill! Here’s another shot of Oläf from another angle:

For Alan, painting Oläf was easy-peasy nice n’ cheesy. He’s seriously talented at model painting and Warhammer nerds fork over lots of cheddar to have him paint their pieces. He’s won awards at conventions and shit. Check out this gallery to see what he’s capable of producing.

But alas! Our merry band of nerds/geeks/dorks had to disband because of heinous flakery. We’d only play once a month, but some of the guys couldn’t seem to make it regularly and it fizzled. I’d like to play again sometime, but in the meantime Oläf is retired and enjoying all the frothy ale he can drink. In any case, my Nerd Cred has now been firmly established.

Uncategorized

The Geek List (embedded in a list of miscellanea)

1. Moms are cool.

2. I’m currently reading a book called Shop Class as Soulcraft. It reminds me very much of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, though this is a bit more straightforward and not couched in fiction. I’ll post a review when I’m finished.

3. I liked Robert Redick’s The Red Wolf Conspiracy quite a bit, though I haven’t written a full review. The creatures called murths were fascinating…wished I could have read more about them.

4. I’m now at 44K on Hammered.

5. There are degrees of geekiness and nerdiness, and I while I can truthfully claim to be both mildly nerdy and mildly geeky, there are certain things I must acquire to rise up in the ranks a become a TurboGeek or TurboNerd. The good folks at thinkgeek.com have me covered. For example, there’s this Dread Pirate Roberts action figure. It’s terribly fashionable, as I’ve wished. And then I need to get myself a new sonic screwdriver because the new Dr. Who has one. When I’m on the go and a bit sluggish and don’t have a pot of coffee ready, then I can have myself a Caffeinated Maple Bacon Lollipop. Mmm, bacon. With 80 mg. of caffeine in every pop, I’ll be shredding like Megadeth on my electric guitar shirt. Rock on.